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Gizmag.com is a relatively mainstream techie-blog, so it was pleasantly accepting and affirming to see them reviewing a masturbation device.

I’ve run into commentary on the Realtouch before, of course, especially in sex-and-masturbation themed corners of the internet. If you’re not familiar, it is hilariously termed “the first adult haptic device for men,” which is a fancy way of saying a reactive cocksleeve.

(Reactive to what, you might ask? Why, reactive to “Realtouch-enabled” pornography, of course — you watch the porn, or the webcam show, and as the dick on screen gets handled, so too does yours, by the various motors and knobby bits inside the fiendish-looking device.)

realtouch-sex-toy-disassembled

But I think the most interesting point raised by the Gizmag review is the drawback that’s immediately apparent to anyone who’s watched a mainstream porno in the last thirty years:

…the ultra-faithful coding makes one thing abundantly clear – male pornstars’ penises do not receive gentle treatment from their female colleagues. There is nothing remotely romantic going on in the scene I’ve chosen – in fact it’s a full throttle sensory onslaught that’s almost a little scary.

I’m willing to believe it.

The general theory of porn is that it’s all about the viewer imagining him/herself in the scene, which I’ve held for years to be a bunch of Freudian mumbo-jumbo unproven in reality, because really, who looks at your generic, off-the-shelf gonzo porn experience and thinks “aw, yeah, I wish that was me right now” as the starlet slaps her tongue repeatedly with a cockhead?

For those that have, I guess the RealTouch is there for you. But I think for most of us, whatever our pleasurable bits are, we’re going to have to wait for porn to tone it down a bit — to look more like a lovingly-crafted piece of erotica, say, rather than a grotesque parody of human sexuality — before we’re willing to plug ourselves into a real-time mechanical emulator.